My hair has been going through some ups and downs lately, but in the end, I am still in love with it. I recently OVERDOSED on Shea butter and ended up with hair that is laying down a lot more than I normally like.
Here's what happened:
I did an AMAZING deep conditioner made from Organix Coconut Milk Conditioner mixed with HONEY, BAKING SODA, COCONUT MILK and COCONUT OIL. I added the mixture to my hair and then covered it with a plastic cap. I was swamped with orders that evening so I ended up letting the conditioner sit in my hair for over three hours. My hair was SINGING praises to the mixture by the time I finally rinsed it out. My hair was soft and curls were popping and springing out from EVERYWHERE.
I then sprayed my hair with cUTIE jUICE cOCKTAIL and did large two strand twists with Shea Butter. I sprayed the sides with more cUTIE jUICE cOCKTAIL and used the Shea Butter like gel to smooth down the sides. I brushed the sides and then tied my hair down with a silk scarf.
I obviously OVERDID it with the Shea Butter because the next day my hair was STRAIGHT. I mean it really looked like it had been relaxed. I was startled, sad and freaked out! I ended up wearing a cap that day to hide my hair. I don't know why, but I didn't want anyone to see my hair like that.
I also didn't want to wash my hair again so soon with it being so cold outside and me having to run as many errands as I did. After day one I had a stern talk with myself, and reminded myself of my hair resolution to wear my hair uncovered every day and to no longer be ashamed of my hair when it was not "styled" and perfect. After that conversation I went out without a hat on and felt okay. Just because my hair isn't in an afro does not mean I am any less committed to natural hair acceptance (I had to tell myself this in order to feel better about how straight it looked.)
Even though I wore it out, I felt weird when I saw people I knew. Like the ladies in the Post Office. It felt strange to see them with my hair the way it was. I didn't want them to think I had abandoned my beliefs and had gone back to the creamy crack. Then when I went to the barbershop with M, I felt like I was getting looks like " I knew you were going to get that hair "fixed" eventually!" I just felt like an imposter. It's hard to explain, but I felt weird.
But now, a few days later, it is looking more full and I am happy about it. It's starting to grow in on the sides more and I am falling in love more and more with the cut.
That experience with my hair brought up some questions for me. Am I being fair to myself by being upset that my hair was "straight"? Do I prefer kinky-er hair to my own texture? Do I think natural hair has to be in a fro or dreadlocks to be "natural" enough? Am I limiting the dopeness of natural hair?
I do find myself wondering sometimes if others actually realize my hair is natural. And when I try to talk to women about accepting their natural texture I feel as though they are looking at me like "Yeah, it's easy for you to say. You got GOOD HAIR." Just yesterday I was talking to someone about my hair and she made the comment that I didn't have a "bad grade of hair" to begin with. Those encounters make me sad. I feel like I can't send the message I want because in the backs of everyones mind the're thinking I'm only preaching natural hair acceptance because I have "a nice grade" of hair.
Got feedback for me? I would love to hear it.
17 comments:
Your hair looks FAB!!
girl, let these people complain!!
Good hair is healthy hair! All textures are beautiful! Many friends of mine used to tell me that I can go natural because I have that good hair and mind you I am 4b or is it 4c..I am not very good with hair typing but you've seen my hair.
That's an excuse that they say because they are not ready!! Empressri on youtube always gets comments like that too!!
No you aren't limiting the dopeness of natural hair. the great thing about natural hair is the varieties of texture. you just need to remind yourself that you ARE just as naptural as the rest of us and take the negative comments as a sign that you're doing something right. Keep truckin sista!
I love the look! Girl, I understand how you feel though. I can't tell how many times I've been DISMISSED when folks see my natural hair: Oh, well you have nice hair anyway...like um...really now? Last time I checked, I was Black just like you with curly, kinky hair. No matter what they don't want to hear it. Probably because they are looking for an excuse NOT to go natural. Little do they know that our hair comes in many different textures and one isn't "better" than the other. All we can do is continue to educate others, and rock our fabulous natural hair! Good post!
Hey girlie, are you out of the Cutie Juice Cocktail? I didn't see it on the Etsy site.
Love how you call it creamy crack--lol!! I think people probably react to you like that when you talk about natural hair is because alot of people been conditioned to believe only certain textures of natural hair are okay.
My kids and I all have different natural hair textures (some really curly and some not) and I'm teaching them to love their own hair texture and not be ashamed of it. I think self-hair love has got to be taught early, even though that doesn't mean that later on one of my kids won't relax their hair. Having natural hair has got to be self-love to the tenth power because there's nothing you can hide behind--it's all you out there! Not everybody is ready for all that.
Sometimes I feel this is a winding road topic that has no end, but we all end up on it somehow. This past Christmas my family members greeted me with this same argument. After graciously complimenting me on my outfit & hair, they quickly informed me that they could never pull off a style like that, it just wouldn't 'look' right on them. It was odd, because while they were playing and toying with my hair, they were reassuring themselves by stroking their own hair. It was bizarre...because while I can absolutely see all of them rocking some sort of natural hair whether it's a short TWA or a fro out twist out, they couldn't. They looked at me and think 'natural girl' and a bevy of assumptions flood their brains. Before the conversation was done, I took one of my cousins hand and kind of extended an olive branch letting her know if she needed help/guidance of any kind that I was her girl. Sometimes that's all you can do (oddly enough she contacted me a few days ago;-). I understand the doubt in their eyes because I was there, knee deep in that ish many years ago.
Your hair is GORGEOUS btw! I think that's the beauty of natural hair, texture changes & all, it has a personality all it's own;-)
hi,
first time to comment. Your hair is fabulous. I think it turn almost straigth because of baking soda.Try the same deep treatment without it and compare
Your hair makes me so jealous, but then I remember all your hard work and the love you put in to it. its only right that you'd have beautiful black hair. Would the shea butter work on permed hair as well? I've decided to cut mine lower, thanks to you. =]
KEEP IT UP.
you hair is effin' AMAZING!
I know it had to take much TLC to get that end result.
as someone in the 4 range, i can understand the mindset of "oh it's easier for you to preach about the benefits of going sans relaxer because you probably never needed one in the first place..." i will admit to having seen vids from other naturals about their journey to rid themselves of relaxers and wondering "why", seeing as how i would have never relaxed my "curly" hair in the first place, had i ever had hair the fell into the 3 range and by default the more "manageable range"... these thoughts, as ignorant as they might be, should not be dismissed as hating, or dumb, or any category in between because we have had it ingrained in our heads since forever-and-ever-amen that certain textures were good, and all textures that fell outside of that were "bad" or "nappy" or whatever you want to call it. and it can be a long process for some people, including people who are currently natural, to not look at things in that way...
that being said, you were born with the gorgeous head of hair that you have, same as other gorgeously kinked or curly heads, and you should feel no guilt associated with it, nor any need to go above and beyond the call of duty to prove your "nappyness"... you keep doing you; loving your hair and praising naturals everywhere, whether kinky or curly, 3's or 4's, and by doing so, you will have helped in the cause all us naturals have taken up; to show beauty in ALL it's forms!
WOW...I think your hair looks fabulous and fierce! Trust me, you look GREAT! LoL, apparently I've been having the same problem as you. While I don't like using the hair typing system, for simplicity's sake I'll say I have type 4 hair (kinky-coily). Naturals didn't lie about the "relaxing" effects of henna. I know some naturals who henna their hair quite frequently. I ususally stretch mine 3-6 wks, if not, my hair will appear as if it's relaxed.
Lately, when I've been twisting my hair, the ends are so straight (as if I had heat damage). The thing is, I've been natural for 5 years and have yet to year it straight, lol. I'm sure the change of weather doesn't help either. Or, maybe my hair needs more protein (I'm VERY protein sensitive)? SMH. Just wanted to let you know, depending on the products or style I wear, my hair will "appear" semi-straight also.
Please tell us where you purchased those earrings! I need them in my life. :)
Wow! I just found this site tonight and your article hits home for me. I am extremely light skinned and have blond hair and hazel eyes. Mind you, I am NOT biracial, I'm African American. Flash from the past: When I had a relaxer ( all my life until 2 years ago) people whould OFTEN stare, shoot me evil looks or immediately begin drilling me with questions. They demanded to know how a black woman could be so light without being biracial or albino and have blonde hair as if our people have not ALWAYS come in a variety of beautiful shades. Present Day: Now I am natural and have a huge head full of curls, kinks, waves and naps. I love my hair and keep it very healthy. My other natural friends and I have a wealth of information about the natural "experience" but when I speak to non-napturals, they usually dismiss me and say I must have had "Good Hair" because it is blonde and most people still immediately assume I'm mixed. The point of my Saga lol: You have beautiful hair (you look modelesque, work it!) and whenever you doubt if you are naptural enough remember God took his time with each of us as individual works of art, not photocopies. Like the other posters said, most people say "You had good hair anyway." because they are too afriad to go natural and it comforts them to keep convincing themselves that it is not for them. I love your site already. ~Curly Sunshine aka Mishara~
I got nothin' because I get the "well YOU can do that to your hair" thing as well. I will say that I think your hair looks great.
Ur hair is the bomb!!!
And I want to try this deep conditioner. Did u measure out the ingredients and is there a particular brand of coconut milk u use?
@ All Thanks for reading and commenting.
The earrings are from Rachel Stewart. Her blog is targetqueenjewelry.blogspot.com/
And for the conditioner, no measuring I just eyeballed it all :D I used enough to cover my hair and not have too much left over. And I just grabbed a can of coconut milk from Wal-mart. I don't think the brand will matter all that much. DanyelleLoves- let me know how it works for you.
Peace
i share your concern. Im currently still transitioning (9mts strong). Initially i started out insecure and worried id have "nappy" hair and it wouldnt look right ( i reached out to you about it prior) then i started looking at YT vids and Fotki profiles to almost reprogram my perception of Black Beauty...now that i have mor e new growth and my hair seems wavy and curly more than kinky or coily i couldnt help but feel a little sad and felt like you couldnt encourage others to try they're own natural hair. Im currently working on appreciating my hair being able to slick back with waves when i want it that way and look like a fluffy fro when i comb that style out. I was also down about it being of a fine texture contrary to thinking it was "thick". Either way im allowed to love and admire my own hair as well as others and i endulge often lol guiltlessly
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