Not HIDING anymore!!

I decided to wear my hair out everyday of 2010 as a hair resolution.  Here’s why. Last year I began to let my hair grow after wearing it in a low cut for about 7 months. During the 7 months where I kept my hair short, being natural was EASY. I didn’t have any hair to fuss with or worry about, so concerns over my hair were non-existent.

Once I started to let it grow out, however, I noticed I was only happy with my hair when it was shiny, neat, styled and looked “managed”. Wild hair with no clear “style” was a major no-no and I avoided it like the plague. On days when my hair was not “up to par” I would cover it with a hat or a scarf and shamefully keep it hidden from the world. I could honestly go up to 4 days doing nothing to my hair and hiding it.

You may be wondering “What’s so wrong with that? When having a bad hair day isn’t it okay to cover it up and hide it?”

Yes and No.

While I was relaxed and weaved up, my hair was always hidden. Its realness was always camouflaged. I had negative thoughts about my hair and wanted nothing to do with it in its curly state. Chemicals and hair with price tags made me happy and made me feel pretty. My real hair was a burden. I didn’t know how to properly care for it and didn’t think it was necessary to learn. It was much easier to tuck it away and not even think about it. It wasn’t beautiful so hiding it was necessary and expected.

When I cut all of my hair off and decided to be natural, I had to begin the process of re-learning what was beautiful, acceptable and appropriate. But it wasn’t until I let my hair grow that I really came face to face with my ignorant beliefs of the past.

When I began growing out my hair, I went to great measures

to make sure it always appeared neat and styled and that every hair was in its place as to not offend or be too loud with my wayward, non-conformist hair style. There was a part of me that still found it okay to hide my hair and take the easy way out by not dealing with it for days on end. This became a problem to me.

In my observations of women (of all different races and back grounds) I noticed, for the most part, black women were the  ones who would regularly come out of their houses with their hair covered up. Whether it was covered to hide it, save a style for later, or in my case just not have to deal with it, it was US that I saw in large numbers hiding our hair. Whether it was under a weave, wig, rag, scarf or hat, it was US.

So then I thought to myself, if I am still hiding my hair for days at a time, what negative thoughts am I still holding on to? Why can’t I just leave out of my house like any other race of women with my hair just “doing what it do” and be content? Why does my hair always have to be styled? Other women I know (who are not black) didn’t seem to have the same preoccupation with whether or not their hair was styled. They just washed and went. Maybe they would add a few styling products or blow dry it or whatever they do to their hair, but they were free to walk out of the house at a moments notice and their hair didn’t have to be hidden.

Don’t get me wrong, I know other races of women wear hats sometimes and have bad hair days, I know that, but how often do they have bad hair weeks? How likely are they to have an arsenal of weaves and wigs to choose from on their dressers on underneath the bathroom sink? How likely are they to be on a first name basis with the person who sells tracks at their local beauty supply store? And I know we can argue this point to the ground about how other races do the same thing, blah blah blah, but that’s not the point I am trying to make here.

I want to experience the same freedom other women have. I want to be able to walk out of my house everyday with my own natural hair free. Whether it's styled or not, shiny or dull, nappy (yep I said it) or not. WHATEVER it is, I just want to feel okay with it. So that is why I resolved to wear my hair out everyday this year. To confront my demons head on and truly learn how to manage my hair day to day.

And let me tell you... it has been a struggle. We are only 3 week into the New Year and I have already covered my hair because it was too straight.  So this is a work in progress. Just like many of you, I am a relatively new natural and I am still working out the kinks in my mind. I am learning day by day how to accept myself, flaws and all. I am learning little by little to let go and just be SUNSHINE. Whatever that entails.

So here are the actual rules to my resolution. I have to wear my hair uncovered and out most of the time.  My hair can only be covered if, I am rocking a style that requires my hair to be covered like head wraps or when I am going for my hip hop look when I wear a cap and large hoops. I am not allowed to “hide” my hair. If I am reaching for something to cover my hair with, I have to ask myself, am I “hiding” my hair out of shame today? And if the answer is yes, I am not allowed to cover it. If the answer is “No, I just want to rock this scarf today or hat” then I am allowed. But uncovered days need to significantly outweigh the covered days.

And that’s that. What are your thoughts? Do you find yourself "hiding" under weaves, wigs, protective styling, hats or scarves? Are you a natural who has yet to wear your “real” hair “out” because you are still holding on to your old beliefs? What do you think about us being so content to hide our hair and not have the freedom to just “BE”?

***I am  not referring to protecting your hair from the weather, or choosing a protective style for whatever reason, but you know what I mean....I am asking about shamefully hiding your hair or hiding it so you don't have to deal with it.

I wanna know!