How to Shake them Haters!

Many on the fencers, transitioners and those who have just begun to consider wearing their natural hair texture, worry about what others are going to say/think about their decision. In addition to worrying about how they themselves feel about wearing their natural hair texture, they are sometimes filled with anxiety over the pending reactions of those closest to them.

Some are lucky enough to have very supportive people in their corners, while others shudder at the mere mention of discussing their decision with friends, family and loved ones. The anxiety and fear from anticipating and receiving negative feedback can sometimes prove to be too much. Here is a n e-mail I received from one of my readers:

Dear Sunshine,

I need your help! I'm 6 months into my transition from relaxed hair to natural hair. Lately I have been seriously contemplating doing the Big Chop and letting go of my relaxed ends. I am sooo ready to cross over into Curly-Kinky Land with you and the rest of the brave beautiful sisters you have featured on your site!

But I have a problem...my friends and family are all 100% against me going through with it. Sometimes after talking to a friend or one of my sisters, I feel so discouraged that I seriously contemplate giving up and relaxing my hair again. They will not let the issue go and they talk about it every chance they get.

It's at the point now where I'm leaning towards wearing a full sew in for a while just to keep the peace. I figure out of sight out of mind, right? Maybe if they don't have to see my naps, I won't have to deal with the negative comments all the time.

Although I know my choice is mine alone, and I shouldn't rely on others to be my backbone, at the same time I don't want to have to defend myself all the time and be mistreated for wearing my natural hair.

I really need you to talk some sense into me before I allow these people to change my mind. What would you do?

Sincerely,

Wavering Resolve

Dear Wavering Resolve,

Here is what I suggest:

1. Understand where their negative comments are coming from.

Most of it is fear and ignorance about natural hair,but the majority is concern. For so long we have been taught to believe our hair is ugly, bad, unmanageable and taboo. We've been fed those lies so long, that we treat them as truths and are afraid to think otherwise.

Your family and friends are no exception. They too believe that their natural hair and your natural hair should be hidden or manipulated into straightness in order to be seen as beautiful and acceptable.

Because they believe this so strongly, you wearing your natural hair texture is horrifying to them. They are scared for you. They don't want you to start wearing your natural hair texture and all of a sudden have a whole bunch of hardships befall you. So they are attempting to talk some sense into you before you commit (in their minds) social and beauty suicide by being nappy.

2. Acknowledge their concerns and share yours.

Now that you know they are trying to help you, you can feel more comfortable around them and start having open dialog.

The next time someone says something against your decision, try something like this:

--Cathy I know you're only saying that because you truly believe I am making a mistake by wearing my natural hair and I appreciate your concern. But I am going natural because *********. That is how I feel and I don't think I'm making a mistake.

Sometimes when confronted we have the tendency to shrink and not speak our minds. This is not the time for that. Share with your loved ones why you are going natural and what it means to you. Make sure they understand why it's important to you.

3. Set Boundaries!

The truth is, despite their good intentions, at some point enough is enough! You should not have to constantly defend yourself, or decision. After you have explained your reasons for going natural, be clear that the topic is no longer up for debate.

As long as you allow them to put you in the hot seat, they will continue to do so. Let them know you are done!

Respectfully yet firmly inform them that you have made up your mind an feel the constant questioning and taunting is too much and is hurtful. Tell them that you respect the fact that you all have differing opinions on the matter, but at the end of the day it is your choice. As a friend or sister or someone who is supposed to have your back, you wish they would be supportive of your decision since that would mean so much to you. If they cannot be supportive, you would appreciate it if they said nothing at all.

The sooner you put your foot down the better! But even after all that is said and done you've got to find the courage to stand up for what you believe in no matter who is against you. Everyone is not going to agree with your decisions all the time. And if you bend every time there is some resistance, you have to ask yourself who are you living for?

Live for yourself and only concern yourself with making you happy, because no matter how hard you try you CANNOT make other people happy all the time! Your happiness is the only happiness you are in control of.

While you're waiting for your people to get on board, keep reading inspirational natural hair blogs, watch some You-Tube videos and check out Naturalsunshine.com the natural hair social network where natural hair is the norm. Absorb as much positive energy as you can from those sources.

Peace Love and Confidence

Sunshine

If you have a question you want addressed here on Natural Hair Natural Products,send me an e-mail at sunshine@naturalhairnaturalproducts.com title the e-mail ask Sunshine!