I am always very shocked when I hear people still use the term "good hair". It's the same way I feel when I hear about gang activity...I thought we were all over it. Ya know? I thought we had moved on to better ways of thinking....but I guess not!
Yesterday I was talking to one of my sisters and of course we were talking about the arrival of my new baby. When the conversation went here...
Sister-"I know you hope he has good hair!"
Sunshine- completely caught off guard "Um, I don't know."
Sister- "Yeah, you won't know what to do if he doesn't. Can you imagine??!??!"
Sunshine- "Well as you know, my hair is natural and I know how to take care of it and I am pretty sure I will be able to manage his hair no matter what texture it is...."
That conversation really took me by surprise. Firstly I am having a boy, so I was really shocked that the texture of his hair would even come up. Do we really care that much about texture that little boys get labeled with good or bad hair too?
I also have a girlfriend who is expecting her first baby in a couple weeks and she too made the statement one day that she hoped her daughter had "good hair".
Of course I was offended by the statement, shocked and saddened, but yet I didn't get into with her. I have already shared my thoughts on natural hair with her in the past and honestly I prefer not to get into the discussion with people who are content with the Status Quo, so I just let her hope that the baby had good hair.
In retrospect, however, I am a little angry with myself for not going into a speech educating them on the negative impact those statements and thoughts have on our self esteem as a people. I just wasn't in the mood to go there at those particular times.
Although I want us all to learn to embrace our natural textures of hair and let the slave mentality associated with good and bad hair go rest on the plantations where they belong; I also prefer not to get into discussions with EVERY person I encounter whose mindset differs from mine. These old thoughts are so ingrained in our minds that unless someone is ready to open their minds and start to consider new ways of thinking, I think it is futile to waste my arguments on them.
What do you think?
Those were my latest too experiences with the term good hair... what was yours? When was the last time you heard someone say it? Are you as shocked, saddened and irritated by the term as I am? Do you correct people when they use it or are you like me and just let them keep their backwards views? Do you think I SHOULD have gone into conversation with them on how I felt?
I wanna know.
Peace Love and Good Natural Hair
Sunshine
15 comments:
Before going natural, good hair was the thing. But, now that I'm on the receiving in, I get it. Good hair is a myth. Healthy hair is good hair.
I had a cousin tell me that I have the 'good hair' for going natural. But, like you, i just left it alone. didn't want to go into a tyraid about the issue. I think the next time someone says 'good hair' to me. I'll just tell them 'Yeah, it's healthier in it's natural state.'
LOL, sunshine yes I've experienced this on many, many occasions, especially being a retired hair stylist. I would often , I mean often have clients make comments as such. But you know , It really didn't irritate me, I just used it as an opportunity to explain that there really isn't such a thing. That there are simply different textures of hair, then I would explain that. And from there being different textures people would often assume that , that would mean some had quote " good hair, or bad hair". And to be totally honest with you I found that people really did not know the difference, they did not realize that , that is really all it is to it bascially, textures. No " good hair , or bad hair". I'm sure being Natural , I will probably have this conversation again with some one making that ridiculous comment, LOL. Take care, ( smiles)
I've stopped telling people about things really I guess I came off as a know it all or "preacher". It's annoying especially when I had told my mom about it and I even sarcastically say,"Oh please forgive me for the hair god has given me, let me ask god to take my scalp back because you don't like it" I say it that, heavy with sarcasm so she gets it and she does, for that second. Then later she'll say something about how my daughter has "good hair" I'll give her the side eye and she'll go well you know that soft curly hair.
A lot of people make comments about her, even when I hear from strangers, oh she has pretty hair" I think to myself, so your saying unless it's a loose curl its considered pretty?
I also take really good care of my daughter's hair. At the end of the day no matter how much you drill it into people's heads, they don't get it, or for others just don't care. It makes me mad because its like some people love dividing their race in half. Its like uplifting someone takes more work than insulting them. Sorry for the rant I just deal with crap comments on the regular.
I have to admit that I kick myself later or not saying something when a topic such as this comes up. However, sometimes the best "argument" is to just live and do what you normally do. People may still make snide remarks but they are definitely checking your dope naps on the sly wishing they had the "balls" to embrace and love their natural hair. I've had family members that I thought were more enlightened say the same crap about thier unborn children. I say all the time that we are a nation divided but it only takes the actions of a few to start a movement. I can't even tell you the number of women that tell me my natural hair looks good on me but they could never pull it off. I just say shake my head in anger and smile secretly hoping that in a few days, months or years they decide to explore their natural texture too.
most recent was just yesterday when the daughter of a coworker came in and commented on the hair of another newly natural coworker...she was like "I can't do this like ya'llb/c I don't have good hair". My poor heart just dropped in my stomach. The other coworker quickly jumped and said "what is good hair?" she "corrected" herself to describe soft, looser curl hair which still meant the same thing...:sigh: I've decided to not try and educate everyone all the time. some times, I'm up for the challenge but honestly, most of the conversations are futile. The person who I'm sharing with has the mentality and isn't willing or interested to change it (as you already said). It just irritates the hec out of me to hear it though. I actually found myself in a debate that my hair is only soft because I take care of it...like the other person's can be- if they were to take the same care. That person actually refused to even accept that explanation. I'm so frustrated I just frown and keep talking or walking...
A Spence- Thanks for commenting. And I like that comeback 'Yeah, it's healthier in it's natural state.'
Zainab1- Kudos to you for tackling the subject with others as often as you have. And as a stylist I am sure that was a LOT!
Jadedpoet- No need to apologize for the rant. I am glad to offer a place for you to get that off of your chest.
"Its like uplifting someone takes more work than insulting them."
I can feel you on that point. It seems like negative does come easier to some. I am glad that you attempt to tackle the issue though!
Anonymous- You make so many great points!
"sometimes the best "argument" is to just live and do what you normally do" Love that one! And you are soooo right. In my day to day life, I like to lead by example. That could be the reason I prefer not to get into the debates with everyone. I prefer to be the change I want to see in the world...
"they are definitely checking your dope naps on the sly wishing they had the "balls" to embrace and love their natural hair." Love this one too! I have worn my hair in an unstyled fro on many occasions and that is when I get the most looks. I asked my husband one day what he thought people were thinking when they saw me with the fro and he said that same thing. That more than likely they were jealous that they weren't brave enough to do it!
"I can't even tell you the number of women that tell me my natural hair looks good on me but they could never pull it off." They need to read the post " SO what you're really saying is..." Feel free to forward that one to their inboxes!!
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Gia- Thanks for commenting. You make great points too!
"I actually found myself in a debate that my hair is only soft because I take care of it...like the other person's can be- if they were to take the same care. That person actually refused to even accept that explanation."
I agree with what you are saying here so much. When people tell me that my hair is nice and soft, I wish they could have seen it before I went natural to make a comparison, my hair is soft NOW!! Before, when I was thinking with the same poisoned mind as them, my hair was no where near as beautiful as it is now and I know it's because of how I take care of it and the products that I use.
Peace
I hate when people categorize and rate hair. Hari is hair. By its very nature it is diverse and beautiful. One head of hair has 2 or more textures, snd everyone has diverse hair. The expression 'good hair' should be destroyed.
Sunshine, first let me congratulate you on your new arrival. I am a new follower of your blog so I may have missed your announcement.
I think you handled the situation properly. In some cases you can feel when you need to speak out and then other times, you can tell when the person is open to receive what you have to say. That's how I handle it.
This happens to me with my daughter. When comments are made about her hair this is what is said, "She's got good hair." Most of the time, I don't say a word on that and then sometimes, I say we all have good hair as long as its healthy and on our heads. I don't believe in good hair. But for the most part, I don't say anything, because it is so ingrained in people to dislike their natural texture and nothing I say will ever change their minds. It is truly sad.
I've had other experiences where I was doing a client's hair..she was a middle schooler. She commented about her hair,"My hair is nappy and I don't like it..it needs to be fixed." I told her that her hair was okay in my eyes and very pretty, but you know that didn't matter to her, because she has been taught to dislike her hair.
Sorry for the long post!
Follow your first mind and respond accordingly.
Take care!
Evelyn
http://eves-journey.blogspot.com
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I remember my mother saying, "I hope she doesn't have nappy hair!" I was so irritated, I just got off the phone. "Are naps bad", I thought? It made me wonder if when my mom was pregnant with me, she hoped I didn't have "nappy hair" and if she was disappointed when my hair yielded naps. My daughter now has very coily hair in the front and back and loose curls on the sides My mom still says, "I can't wait until we know for sure what kind of hair she's going to have." I don't say anything because I don't want to disrespect my mom. I just made a mental note to teach my daughter that she is NOT her hair and that ALL hair is beautiful. There's so much more to life than the texture of one's hair!
I guess it's been a little while since I've heard the good/bad hair thing but I suppose I'll here it after my BC this Friday. I'm ready for. I wish they would. I'll let 'em have it. Well, not violantly but you know what I mean. I definitely think you should let people know your views on it. Especially if they brought it up. But that still depends on if you're in the mood for debate or to defend feelings about it. I agreed though, that some people just aren't ready to open up their minds to it. But think that if you do tell them maybe one day they'll remember hearing it and be greatful for it. It's just the same as telling someone about your religious beliefs.
OMG!!! I was in the gym last week and there were two non-blacks females (married to black men) talking about how there son's have "good" hair but their teenage daughters don't. They made it should like their daughters weren't beautiful until they got perms. They were going on and on and making a big deal about it. I was getting so irritated.
I have had my last perm in summer 2006 and I big chopped in summer 2007... I am not a natural hair nazi by any means but they sounded so silly. One of them even stated that her daughter gets her hair permed every 6 weeks! I painly stated that they might want to watch making the statement "good" hair around their daughters because it might make them feel bad about their hair... in reality it's already too late. I don't understand marrying/having a baby with a black man and not taking the time to learn how to do your childs hair. I compare that to moving to a foreign country and not learning the language.
BTW... I love my recently ordered hair products!
The concept of good hair and bad hair is pretty foreign to me. It wasn't something I heard until college and I've never understood it. I do remember my ex mentioned from time to time that when he was young his mom kept his hair long because he had good hair. When I went back to Oklahoma last month I stayed with him and it was the first time he saw my natural hair. He put his hand in my hair and said that when he was young he had good hair like mine. I suppose it was meant as a compliment but I still don't really understand it.
Since i decided to go natural, i've already prepared myself for the ignorant statements etc that comes with the terrotory. However, ever now and then someone sneaks one in and you just dont know how to defend yourself against their ininvited opinion.
Going into this i anticipated my #1 opponent on the matter of going natural and "good hair" to be my bother. In a nutshell hair is propably one of the primary reasons he rarely ever date black girls. Instead he usually goes for Asian,hispanic, white(in that order). Anyway, i shared with him my pics of the current state of my hair and explained to him where the "big chop" comes into play. He was against the idea. But when he complimented my waves sayin " i always knew you had that good hair on the low"...i guess i was happy to hear some kinda positivity that i blanked out for a second , smiled, and forgot my whole defence on what the term "good hair" SHOULD mean.
I educate based the relationship I have with the person. But I haven't yet come across anyone who's reaction is negative or thinks "they couldn't wear their hair natural" or "they don't have that good hair" (doesn't mean they don't think it though). After reading all these blogs I've sort of come up with how I feel and what my responses are going to be when/if those instances do occur:
"I fully support and stand by the stance that you can wear your hair however you choose, as long as you understand there is Absolutely Nothing Wrong with Your Hair the Way It Is Just the Way God Made You."
I feel as though I don't need to preach. I hope by educating those who ask and by being a living example, that that will do more to encourage others than any preaching I may get into. Like right now, I'm interviewing for jobs for the first time since going natural. And I can't wait!!! To get hired and share that story, as just one example of how hair cannot and will not stop me (nor does it have to stop anyone else). There are also a lot of naturals online who are dating/married so there's lots of inspiration in their stories as well.
Real quick, just wanted to say your blog is really good. Seriously, it's becoming one of my daily check-in's. Your content and seriousness is definitely worth the respect.
jhavianicole-
I hope we are all doing our little part, by being natural to help destroy the term. Thanks for commenting.
Evelyn Parham-
As a hairdresser I know you hear it ALL! That is really sad that so many women are passing these negative feelings about our natural features down to their daughters. And like you said it is sad that so many are trapped in that mind set. Sometimes I feel like there is no hope, but then I remember my hair story and I know if I can be happy nappy, ANYONE can.
Thanks for reading my blog. And you know what, I never formally announced I was having a baby, I just kinda snuck it in there one day! Thanks for your warm wishes.
Misses B-
"There's so much more to life than the texture of one's hair!"
The way people act, you would think that your hair texture determined how long you were going to live or something. I know that historically speaking, when the term actually had some validity, texture (along with other features) was important to ones survival, but in this day and age..... your statement is dead on...there is SO MUCH MORE to life than that! Thanks for commenting.
Lorrett-
You're Big chopping on Friday!!!! Yay!!!! I am THRILLED!!!!
"I'm ready for. I wish they would. I'll let 'em have it"
I love that! Go get 'em girl! And BTW we wanna see those bog chop pictures! Thanks for commenting.
vanessa's daughter-
Kudos to you for speaking up in the gym against TWO women! I am sure they were shocked that you said something to them. It really is too bad how mothers are drilling these thoughts into their daughters heads.
Glad you like the Products you ordered! I really appreciate your business.
Caramel-
I wasn't introduced to the term until a little later in life either.... it is a good thing that it is so foreign to you.
And it is amazing that your ex compared his hair to yours now and is basically saying that you have a "good" texture of hair. I imagine your hair is soft and your curls are not that tight....but you are still someone who had to convert from straightening your hair to accepting its curls. TO me that just goes to show that we all have different ideas when it comes to hair and every natural hair journey is so truly different. Thanks for commenting.
Licklemslady-
Your brother sounds a little like mine! But one thing I have been thinking about when it comes to our men preferring women of different ethnicities and races is that perhaps they are going to them because so many of us are trying to imitate these other womens hair that they would rather have the real thing.....hmmm
Black men are just as brainwashed as us on this topic. Thanks for reading and commenting.
mysskay-
You got the comeback already prepared! I love it!
"I hope by educating those who ask and by being a living example, that that will do more to encourage others than any preaching I may get into."
I love that as well.
Thanks for the kind words you said about this blog. It really means alot to me when my readers enjoy what I write. It encourages me to continue. Thanks very much!
Peace
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